14 Jun A Father’s Impact

A few weeks ago, I wrote a tribute to my mom for Mother’s Day. “And so the Father’s Day one better be good,” my dad wryly warns me. And so now we turn attention to our Fathers, who also have an incredible impact on their daughters. A positive male role model is said to affect relationships, communication, academic achievements, and career success, largely due to childhood engagement, which leads to self-reliance and confidence. I know that everyone does not have this strong relationship with their father figures, so I feel very fortunate.

My dad, Ron Ho had two daughters to raise and really did an outstanding job. Our family is extremely tight, and I credit both of my parents for prioritizing family as the center of everything. We packed up our house and moved halfway across the country and back, so we only had each other to experience new adventures with.

My father is full of personality – witty, extroverted, charming, fun loving and the type that makes friends with everyone. He was always the epitome of a cool dad. I loved that family life was never dull. Apparently though, he was a bit of a handful as a child. I was told of stories about how he was in the principal’s office frequently, almost got kicked out of school, and was in a San Francisco gang. This was not a Crips type of gang, more of an American Graffiti gang. A rebel, street smart and curious, he cleaned up after high school and became the first Asian American to join the Pacifica police force. They even had to change the height requirement for him. Ambition led him to navigate through corporate security at Chevron Corporation, consulting on security matters for their operations company management, eventually heading up all of the Southwestern states, Central and South America regions, investigating crimes committed against the company including defalcations, fraud, and theft.  I was always proud of my dad, and I have always really looked up to him. In fact, I’ll still ask his advice for little things and big things – from job challenges to car maintenance to child rearing. Some larger lessons I’ve gleaned from him:

Live for today. While he did not push me in school or in any specific career direction, his motto has always been to live life to the fullest and live for today. That is something that I often think about, particularly when I’m type-A deep into obsessing about some long-term dilemma. It provides a balanced perspective for sure.

Have eyes wide open. Sometimes it seems pessimistic, but my dad is always on alert and aware of settings, dynamics, and surveilling the landscape. He taught us to be hyper aware of situations that could prove dangerous, whether in a crowd, at home, or at work. He reminds me that people sometimes are going to be out for themselves and to go into things with my eyes wide open. As a result of this conscientiousness, I can be somewhat judicious and tentative and prudent in blindly trusting people without proof points. This can come in handy.

Sniff out the good people. As a former cop, he is a quick judge of character. And he is great at using his good natured curiosity to learn quite a bit about people. He will use this information carefully, always absorbing, observing, and navigating. Character is critical, sometimes even more valuable than tangible skills, and I’ve tapped into this moral radar a little bit, analyzing traits for partners, team members, and associates.

Know when to go with the flow (and when to not). This is one that I remember specifically coming out of my dad’s mouth. It might be cultural, but it is even more interesting coming from a former rebel. The rule is that there are times when it takes enormous discipline, but try to go with the flow (most of the time) for collaboration, teamwork, and peace. When the situation warrants it, have a little harmony, while planning a course of attack. Then carefully strategize about when to pose a provocative question, challenge the status quo, or organize a mutiny.

These lessons are a different set from my mother’s influence, but powerful all the same. Like my mother, he is enormously big hearted and generous. I’m extremely lucky and grateful to have a dad who I admire and have a close relationship with.

As busy, hustling, multi-tasking entrepreneurs, what can we learn about Fathers and their role in our lives and our children’s lives?

In Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In, she pushes that marriage is like a business partnership. “I truly believe that the single most important career decision that a woman makes is whether she will have a life partner and who that partner is. I don’t know of a single woman in a leadership position whose life partner is not fully—and I mean fully—supportive of her career. No exceptions.” she writes. And her directive, “Find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier.”

I get it. And I chose fairly well in this department. My husband has always been fully supportive of my career and a great dad to our kids. In fact, I might have subconsciously gravitated toward him because I never had the typical maternal characteristics. He likes kids and has worked with kids, which is much more than I could say. If the kids get injured, they go to him first, and I’m totally fine with that. Equally very involved parents, we share responsibilities across the board. I guess Sheryl would look favorably upon this. I know that he is motivated to propel my daughter’s assertiveness and achievement. They have quite the bond right now with everything sports related. I am going to advise my daughter to be very independent, build her own thing, and never be forced to rely on anyone else. I hope she can find a partner (if she wants to, of course) that can match her as a true partner.

Our parents are a big part of who we are. There are always valuable lessons embedded, for better or for worse, from our upbringing. It can teach us how we want to lead our lives, conduct ourselves in business, and in turn raise our own families. I use some of the valuable nuggets gleaned from my dad while navigating things at Built By She.

Partner selection (if desired) is indeed a big decision, and one that people often don’t get right the first, second, or third time. Starting a business can be all consuming at times, isolating, stressful, and emotionally draining. If your goal is to build a business, ensure that you’re in a productive situation at home with support, mutual respect, trust and faith.